


oh to be warm inside with wanting for you

by simonsjumpers



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Anne and Gilbert, Anne is cold, Character Death, F/M, First Love, Fluff, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Shirbert, Winter is tough, christmas traditions at the Cuthbert's, finding each other, it's winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 00:50:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21109979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simonsjumpers/pseuds/simonsjumpers
Summary: "Recently, Anne had come fully to terms with something she’d first felt stirring at the Avonlea fair... if she were ever to have a life partner, she’d want it to be Gilbert Blythe."Anne pushes through a tough winter, older, wiser and in love. Gilbert isn't far behind.





	oh to be warm inside with wanting for you

**Author's Note:**

> My first awae fic.
> 
> As vfd-inked-kid put it on Tumblr this week: "am i living or am i just waiting for another epsode of anne with an e week after week??"

It had been a tough winter, tough on everyone in Avonlea. It had been particularly cold; they’d had barely any respite from snow. Even Anne, a true worshipper of the Snow Queen, had begun to resent her. School was continually cancelled and there were only so many times Anne could read the dusty books kept at Green Gables.

But it had been toughest on Matthew. A long and arduous harvest had bled him dry, by the end, it was left entirely up to Jerry, Matthew just couldn’t go on anymore.

Things changed for the Cuthbert’s quickly. Mealtimes became solemn affairs. Matthew mostly took meals in his room, and Marilla was too sick with worry to eat. Anne ate alone. She did her chores alone, cooked and cleaned and cared for her fading family.

Around New Year, Anne wrote a letter to Diana, who’d left in September for Paris to start finishing school early, practically dragged kicking and screaming by her mother. Anne filled the letter with stories; baby Delphine’s first steps, Mrs Lynde’s usual high-jinks, and the traditional Cuthbert-Shirley-Blythe-Lacroix Christmas, which Anne had spent a week preparing for.

She’d done all the cooking, decorating and planning just to bring some joy back into her home. They had a wonderful dinner at the table, Matthew included. Having Gilbert around was an unexpected joy. With the weather, school’s cancellation and Gilbert spending most of his time in Charlottetown, she hadn’t seen him in weeks. She had missed him.

To have someone her own age around, an equal, was a pleasant distraction from the solitude she’d been trapped in. She’d thought about him a lot recently, caught her mind drifting. She missed his company, his assuredness as a friend. Seeing him was a relief.

They’d each made a toast to the season, shared laughs, drinks and games.

“Are you looking forward to going back to school when the weather breaks?” Marilla had asked Gilbert.

“Very much Miss Cuthbert. It has felt like a very long time indeed; I’m sure Anne feels the same.”

Anne nodded cordially, trying not to give too much away, but, oh, she was desperate to get back, especially if it meant seeing Gilbert three times a week.

Recently, Anne had come fully to terms with something she’d felt stirring at the Avonlea fair... if she were ever to have a life partner, she’d want it to be Gilbert Blythe.

“And how is your apprenticeship? I expect you’re working very hard.”

Bash choked on his drink, and grunted as Gilbert discreetly kicked him under the table.

“Oh, he’s working very hard, you can trust him there, Marilla.”

Gilbert took a sip of his drink and looked down at his feet.

“Spending a lot of time with the doctor’s secretary it seems, Miss Winifred Rose. Quite the lady, I’ve met her.”

Anne’s stomach never dropped so far.

The evening passed in a blur after that. Anne didn’t dare say another word, instead throwing herself into caring for Matthew or Delphine.

_Miss Winifred Rose_. The name went around and around in Anne’s head. Miss. Winifred. Rose. A beautiful name. Even better than any name Anne could have had imagined; Cordelia seemed plain to her now, Anne even more so. But how fitting for Gilbert: a proper lady with a proper name. It seemed so silly to her now, how she ever thought Gilbert Blythe would end up with an Anne Shirley when there were _Miss Winifred Roses _out in the world.

Gilbert was mortified by the whole affair, insisting that Bash was just over-exaggerating, but Anne couldn’t listen. Everyone had noticed how quiet she had gotten and without her usual high spirit, the Christmas festivities drew to a close. Anne busied herself in the kitchen as Matthew and Marilla said their goodbyes, she stood over the sink staring down into the spiralling water draining away.

“Anne…”

She turned. Gilbert stood at the edge of the room like he was scared to come in.

There were very few times Anne was lost for words but, truly, she couldn’t say anything. She was too afraid, too scared of what any more exposure to Gilbert Blythe in this light could do to her.

“Anne… with the farm and the apprenticeship, and Delphine, I’m sorry…” he stuttered, seemingly as afraid as she was, “I’m sorry but, uh, I don’t have anything for you. A gift. I don’t have a gift.”

Anne clenched the edge of the sink, fingers going white, it kept her strong. She shook her head and tried the best smile she could muster.

“That’s alright. I don’t have anything for you either.”

He nodded.

A moment passed. Anne couldn’t bear looking at him anymore, she turned away to the window.

“I hope Mr Cuthbert gets back to full health. He seems better.”

Anne closed her eyes to stop any tears from falling.

“Well… Merry Christmas, Anne.”

“Merry Christmas Gilbert,” she managed, quietly.

She lay awake all night, thinking of Gilbert and Miss Rose, and the book of winter poems wrapped neatly and addressed to Gilbert hidden behind the Christmas tree that would remain unopened.

She left that out of her letter to Diana.

If Gilbert noticed any difference in her when they both returned to school in January, he was polite enough not to say. Anne had decided that, while she couldn’t stop feeling what she felt, she could help herself hurt less by taking a step back from her friendship with him.

And soon, with Matthew’s failing health, she could step back entirely. On the days she knew Gilbert would be at school, she stayed home to care for her family, and on days where he was in Charlottetown for his apprenticeship, she attended school. It hurt but not as much as seeing him did.

And then Matthew died on the first day of March. It was peaceful and without complications. Marilla and Anne were by his side and held his hand until it was over.

Her family got smaller, but Marilla and her stood together.

The funeral was short, Matthew wouldn’t have wanted any fuss, they honoured him in that way.

It couldn’t have been a better day for it. The sun came out, bright and warm. And the snow began to melt away, flowers pushing through ready for true spring. Anne and Marilla knew Matthew was at peace and that he was looking down on them.

Gilbert was there, his family in tow. Anne hadn’t spoken to him but even his silent presence brought her some comfort. She let herself indulge in those feelings just for today.

After the service, he greeted them. He didn’t say much, just gave his thoughts and support.

“May I walk you both home?”

“Well, Gilbert, that would be very kind,” Marilla sighed.

“Don’t worry though if Bash and Delphine need––“ Anne began.

“They’ll be fine without me for a while.”

Gilbert accompanied them home, mainly making polite conversation with Marilla.

When they arrived at Green Gables, Marilla invited Gilbert in for tea. Anne excused herself, saying it had been a long day and she was keen to rest. Disappointment flashed across Gilbert’s face, but he was quick to hide it.

She buried herself in her sheets, tunnelling in so deep she hoped she could disappear. Her feelings were back as strong as ever, she couldn’t forget about him and, if anything, she felt fonder than ever.

Her stomach grew hungry, her throat dry but she daren’t move and she wouldn’t until it was all over, until Gilbert was gone. She made a promise to herself she would forget him entirely. Soon he would be married and gone and out of her life.

It grew dark. The house remained quiet and Anne heard Marilla withdraw to bed, Gilbert was gone.

Anne crept downstairs, intent on taking a small thing to eat before returning upstairs for another restless night.

The kitchen was completely dark, she snuck through, still in her dress. Before she reached the pantry, a shadow appeared across the moonlit floor. Anne yelped and jumped backwards into the sink.

“Anne, Anne, I’m sorry.”

“Gilbert?! What are you?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it was so late… Marilla made a bed for me, I—“

Anne huffed at him and turned away.

“I didn’t mean to scare you—“

“It’s fine.”

“Anne.”

“Honestly, it’s alright.”

They stood in the darkness for a moment, Anne caught her breath back.

“Are you hungry? I could—“

“No, I’m fine.”

“If you are, I can… well, I’m not the best but I can—“

“Honestly Gilbert, please I don’t want anything from you.”

Anne turned away and looked down into the sink. It had become a home-from-home from her. She gripped onto the edge till her knuckles went white and looked out into the garden of Green Gables in the moonlight. She steadied her breathing, tears fell down her face and into the sink.

It had all become too much. Matthew. Gilbert. Everything.

She let out a small cry.

Gilbert appeared at her side, his shoulder brushing with hers ever-so-slightly. He looked out into the garden as well.

They stayed like that for a long time, quietly, together.

They had had moments together before – moments that felt more important than anything else in Anne’s life. The café, before Gilbert had gone away. Prissy’s wedding and then again at Mary and Bash’s.

This felt like one of those moments. Anne had missed them more than anything.

She felt the faint trace of Gilbert’s fingers hover over hers and his hand lay flat on top.

Her hand softened, her shoulder lent on his. Nothing she could ever have imagined felt close to the feeling on Gilbert’s hand on hers.

“Anne…” Gilbert whispered.

She sucked in a breath quietly, overwhelmed and afraid. She knew he was looking at her, his eyes bore into the side of her face. She was grateful for the darkness for she knew her cheeks were burning.

“Anne, I…”

Anne turned and looked him right in the eye. They’d grown up so quickly she’d barely noticed the change in him, how he was no longer a boy – his broad shoulders, sharp jaw and the shadow of stubble. But his eyes were the same, still as wide, as kind. _What had Ruby said once? _Romantic.

Anne waited patiently for him to say something but it seemed like the words were stuck in his mouth. She could see he was just as afraid as she was.

His fingers brushed over hers as he pulled his hand away and took a few steps back away from her.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… that’s not appropriate, it’s not the right time.”

“Not the right time for what?”

“I was going to speak to Matthew at Christmas but then Bash and… God, I was so angry at him. After I couldn’t… I didn’t.” He was floundering uncontrollably, pacing up and down the floor. “And now… it’s not the right time.”

Anne watched on, astonished. This outburst was very unlike Gilbert, he was usually so assured and always with the right thing to say. That was what Anne had at first hated and then quickly grew to be very fond of.

“Gilbert, Gilbert stop, calm down.”

He stopped. His eyes were nearly filled with tears.

“Anne. You will have a bright and adventurous future. You will Anne, I believe it. But I need to know if you could ever see me being a part of it.”

Anne was speechless.

“I have felt you pulling away from me this past few weeks and it has made it even clearer that I care deeply about you.”

“What about Charlottetown… what about–?”

“There is nothing for me there, Anne.”

Gilbert wrung his hands together.

“I’m not asking anything of you, Anne. Not yet. It’s not the right time… I know that. But I wanted you to at least know my thoughts. My… desires… for the future. And if you do not share them, then, well, I still don’t want to lose a friend.”

Anne nodded, trying to fight back a smile, to hide all the joy she felt soaring around inside of her. There was a lot to think about, she needed time. She needed…

“Food.” She blurted out.

Gilbert raised an eyebrow.

“Hungry. I am… hungry.”

He smiled like he expected nothing less of her.

“Will you let me make something for you?”

“Only if you don’t wake Marilla.”

He smiled and vanished into the pantry.

When he returned, a plate of delicacies in tow, Anne was sat at the table with a brown-papered package placed in front of her.

“Since we’re sharing…”

Gilbert set the plate in front of her and sat opposite.

“Merry Christmas Gilbert.”

He opened the present, gently, revealing the book of winter poems.

“A little late now but for next year. For the future.”

“Thank you, Anne, it is a thoughtful gift.”

“There is one I like… an Emily Brontë. I marked it for you… last December…before I wrapped it.”

Gilbert flitted through the pages until he found the one with a single snowdrop pressed between the pages.

He began to read, almost in a whisper.

“_Come walk with me, there’s only thee, to bless my spirit now_––“

“Skip to the end,” Anne said impatiently.

Gilbert’s mouth quirked.

“_So closer would my feelings twine, because they have no stay but thine. ‘Nay call me not; it may not be; is human love so true? Can friendship’s flower droop for years and then revive anew?”_

This time, Anne took Gilbert’s hand and didn’t let go until the sun rose and their future together began.


End file.
